you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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