Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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