My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
