so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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