i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
