I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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