Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
