He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
