i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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