I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
time to smoke my breakfast
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
