Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
