he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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