So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
