Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
