I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
