I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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