96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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