Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
