I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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