I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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