chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
