Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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