Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
