i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
