Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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