after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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