Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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