Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
