A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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