I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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