I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
