my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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