I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize