She's JV to your varsity
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
At least life still wants to fuck me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
