Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
