Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
