I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
