I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
