I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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