Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Acid is not a monday night drug
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize