I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
