addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
