you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
