So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
