she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
