i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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