im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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