Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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