I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
