he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
