just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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