I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
