Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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