VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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