Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
