so that wasnt chicken after all
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
