If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
