why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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