So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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