Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
