I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
