We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
