dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
