I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Randomize
