He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
