I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
there's paper in my vomit.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
