youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize