And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
