Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
