i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize