So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
