I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Drunk walkin through police station. America
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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