Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
