we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
