That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
